Saturday, October 9, 2010

Cinemeration is Cinemeration

Figured I might as well use this post to post something of interest.
Check this out- right smeuh. This is the trailer for a movie entitled 'Blue Valentine', starring two people who are in movies. The reason I'm showing you this super-gay trailer is because it recently was rated NC-17 by the Motion Picture Assholes Association of America. The controversy is the same as whenever a movie is rated NC-17- does it deserve it? The trailer has got Sundance ivy all over it, for one, and for another, those who saw it say there is 'barely any nudity', and the NC-17 rating for this film was based on nudity. Now, all this stuff aside, I need to get something out of the way- this trailer features a few things that makes a trailer bad.
1) It only features 2 people. The only time a movie like this with a focus on two characters has ever worked is Last Tango in Paris, and Gosling is no Brando.
2) The thing tells you nothing of the plot, which leads to one conclusion- there is no conflict. Sure, it's about their relationship, but that is no replacement for good action and high stakes.
I keep telling myself- at least there's nudity. Honestly, that's the only reason I'd see this movie. Who cares about the ivy? I'm not going to see something simply because it played at Sundance. Bee Movie played at Sundance.
But here's the rub- the NC-17. I'm not going to go in deep about the MPAA, but if you want to see a really interesting movie that deals entirely with those Fascists, see 'This Film is Not Yet Rated'. It's really good, at least for the first 45 minutes, because it deals entirely with how the MPAA is owned by corporate Hollywood and monopolizes what ultimately gets put into theatres.
That's the other thing- getting an NC-17 is giving your movie a death sentence. No distributor deals with NC-17 because it prohibits an enormous demographic (age 13-16) from seeing the movie.
Here's another piles of bones- G-Damn nudity. If you look at any other film rating system in the world you'll see that they care less about sex and nudity than they do about violence. A movie like, say, Die Hard (don't get me wrong, I lurrrve Die Hard) would never have been released with anything less than the highest level of restriction abroad, but the MPAA eats stuff like that for breakfast. But put a little pubeage in the scene and RED LIGHT NC-17 GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL DO NOT PASS GO DO NOT COLLECT ANY GROSS FOR YOUR MOVIE.
The trailer is so harmless, too. So what if it's a little queerbug is playing the ukulele to some tap-dancing A- chick, so what if they do it, and they like doing it, and the camera doesn't fade away with pretty music playing in the background? Now, if Gosling had an AK-47, and was shooting at pedestrians, that would be a different story.
Now, on to more important business.

A mere $26.50 ninepence, and this over-garment can be yours!
Ladies and gentlemen, good friends, Cinemeration is booming. Since its inception, it has grown exponentially, reaching from my very own backyard to the snows of Si-beria, from the sands of Arizona to the peaks of Timbuktu. As such, I've concocted these coverings of a most respectable veneer to give praise to the very honourable and respectable web-internets that you goode patrons browse so nobly each day. Huzzah, friend, and hoo-ray!

No comments:

Post a Comment