I liken virality to a woman. You devote your time and affection to something you trust, and in the end it's never what you had hoped. It's happened to me before with that whore Cloverfield and I have sworn never to let it happen to anyone else. And because I know have millions of adoring fans that pour themselves over my posts, I have decided- what better way to spread the word against virality. So take heed, fair reader, for I am the harbinger of a dread warning.
Paranormal Activity was a sweet movie because it was demanded. I got the same feeling in the pit of my stomach when I read up on The Blair Witch Project. It was the little movie that could- no budget, shitty filming conditions and work days, and that is something I admire out of a movie, because you can see the hard work that was put into it. That, in essence, was Paranormal's marketing plan- 'the movie millions have demanded to see'. Alright, that's awesome. I'll see it. But now, the inevitable has happened- Paranormal Activity 2.
The downside of having a movie like Blair Witch is that there is always a less-cool sequel (Book of Shadows is a laugh-riot), and Paranormal Activity is no exception. Howe'er, I gave it the benefit of the doubt. After I saw the teaser for PA2 (located heuh), I thought, 'Hm, ok, maybe if they leave it at that, it won't be as bad.' Of course they weren't going to stop there [frying pan to the face].
Check out this bale of hay. I read MovieWeb religiously, and the groan I emitted after seeing this on their homepage could have been heard four houses away. All I can say is to see it for yourself, but don't be fooled by it. It won't be as good as the first one (which wasn't that impressive anyway). Honestly, I feel like a gym teacher telling kids to wear condoms- stating the obvious. These viral videos are meant to lure you into the black hole of a sub-par movie. They're also a sign that the marketing department was desperate, because they can't do it the same way they did the first one.
Be not mistaken, I'm going to see it, because I'm a fan of the shaky-cam genre, but I am not expecting anything good, and neither should you.
Farewell, noble traveller, and be warned- there is danger afoot.
[rides off into sunset]
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