Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Clint Eastwood's Latest Ball of String


Every now and then, Clint Eastwood makes a movie that he just assumes will win major awards and will be garnished with 'official selection's and 'winner's. Usually, he's right, and usually, they're well deserved. To be honest, I think this guy deserves every award there is (except my soccer trophy. Minesies.). I mean, he's the Man With No Name, Harry Callahan, whatever his character's name is in In the Line of Fire (Malkovich for life), he's William Munny...I could go on. The point is that he is the only guy in Hollywood that went from revered action star to revered director. And in recent years he's become kind of like the wise old grandfather of Hollywood. He's also the only man over 70 that I wouldn't want to get in a fight with (every other septuagenarian is mine). 
The movies he makes are like Pokemon rare coins that people collect. They have a kind of rustic charm, and everyone has a wacky relative who likes them a little too much. Invictus, Unforgiven, Gran Torino, all pretty solid movies. But people say, you know, he's too old, or he should just give up, or his time has passed. Clint is like that dude in the first Hellboy who is like a hundred and fifty and stays alive by winding up his heart. His blood may have long been turned to sand, but he's still truckin'.
Anyway, all that aside. Clint's next project is going to be a biopic of J. Edgar Hoover.
*I lied. Technically, his next movie is going to be the Hoover picture, but the next Clint movie to hit theatres will be 'Hereafter', which is about Matt Damon being able to communicate with the dead. I'm serious. Look up the trailer. It's worse than it sounds.
J. Edgar Hoover, for those who arent aware [pushes back glasses], is a hugely influential person from the 20th century: he founded the FBI and launched the first public war on crime. He also was, allegedly, a cross dressing fairy, and that is going to be the driving action of the movie. Needless to say, I can't wait.
Most of my excitement comes from the casting. Leo DiCaprio is pretty much locked in as Hoover, and once that deal is signed, it is very likely that Clint is going to rope in the man in the shadows himself, Joaquin Phoenix [laugh track] [gunshot], to play Clyde Tolson. Clyde Tolson is allegedly the man whom J. Edgar Hoover had many a midnight rendezous with, and the general buzz is that there may be a love scene or four.
*I love Leo, but in my mind Hoover will always be played by Billy Crudup. Public Enemies was not at all as good as I had hoped it would be, and it was, if anything, the most disapointing movie of last summer, but Billy Crudup was bangin'. [tell him he can call me 'J']
I like Clint Eastwood perhaps a little too much and I enjoy every movie he is involved with, but what I have read about his next two movies makes me feel a little uneasy.
*Matt Damon seeing dead people doesn't sound like the gunslinging president-saving cigar-smoking xenophobic man of men I've grown to know and love. I mean, really!
Don't misunderstand, I want Joaquin to be in a movie as soon as possible (especially after hearing that the past two years have been a big prank), and I think an Eastwood picture would be a great outlet for him, but I have to admit that I was a little dissapointed when I discovered that he wouldn't be playing Hoover. I got over it once I heard it would be Leo, because he's good at playing the dude who needs to go to a bathroom and slap himself to get back in control [pull yourself together Teddy]. I got off topic. This is most likely going to be a good movie.
I guess we'll just have to see, won't we?

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