Review: Carrie (1976)

DON'T EXIT THE PAGE.

Ok. Sorry. It's just that, I know sometimes people will just click the Social Network Facebook link and then exit out before actually reading what I took oh so much time to write about, and I want everyone to read this, because I'm having a hard time containing myself.

Man, I really should review movies I don't love to death. I'm seeing Paranormal Activity 2 on Sunday so hopefully that will be a movie I can write about but not gush over.

I'm going to make several disjointed claims about the 1976 'Carrie', and will attempt to back up such claims.

Carrie is not only a benchmark of 70's horror, it is a benchmark of 70's cinema. It exemplifies, in the most honest way, the process of making a movie with what you've got. The movie makes no excuses and is unashamed, which bears a similarity to Carrie as a character, but I'll get into that later.

The production designer, Jack Fisk, was nominated for an Oscar in 2007 for There Will Be Blood, so that explains why this movie looks so amazing. You'll notice the scenes in the locker room, the slaughterhouse, Carrie's home, and (especially) the prom are all perfectly melted together to form the world of Carrie. The only downside (and I mean, seriously, the only downside) to this movie is the cinematography. It was shot by some no-name and the result is a very blurred movie. I understand it may have been intentional- the whole movie is like a dream sequence- but still, it's not something you just don't notice after the first five minutes. 

The direction- sinister. Brian de Palma, baby. He's the man who brought us Mission: Impossible and, yes, Scarface. How do I describe the direction? It's certainly not the thing that made this movie memorable, but it definitely would not have been the same without de Palma. This isn't a movie that relies solely on one or two things, the cast of design, for example- this movie is a team effort- which is why I really liked the prom in this movie- it's the climax, and it is perfect. I'm not just talking about the scene where Carrie snaps, I'm talking about the scenes where they're setting the prom up, and the prom itself. All I can say is to watch this movie, if only for the prom scene. 

The prom in this movie is a lot of things. One, it is the best high school dance I've ever seen on film. Even when Carrie and Tommy are outside, waiting to go in, you know what's inside those doors. 'Are you scared?' Tommy asks Carrie. 'Don't worry, they're a good crowd. Really, they are,' And he's right. This prom kicked a lot of ass. I'm not trying to sound like one of those guys who got, like, way too excited for prom, but if you see Carrie, you'd see what I mean. This prom was awesome. Ok. I can't dance around it anymore. I've got to talk about Sissy Spacek. This will lead back into prom, I promise, get that look of your face.

*fun fact- Brian De Palma would send out set invitations for this movie, because of all the attractive women, and Steven Spielberg was a frequenter. He asked out every girl on set, and the only one that said yes was Amy Irving, and they got married and had a kid. All because De Palma had some action.

I'm not trying to sound like a womanizer (it's very difficult, you understand), but there really aren't a lot of actresses I enjoy watching on film. I don't really make a point to seek them out, they usually just find me. Sissy Spacek is now one of my favorite actresses. She is unreal in Carrie. Her transformation is so devastating. She goes from, obviously, the totally oblivious freak with a crazy mother to prom queen to demon. The scene following where she tells her mother to SIT DOWN is absolutely mesmerizing. That is the montage of Carrie getting ready for the prom. And she. Is. Ready. God, you know, I read the book Carrie over the summer, and I can safely say the movie is way better than the book. It might be that I just couldn't get fully into the book, but I did not get the transformation Carrie goes under to get ready for prom. She goes from seriously the most abominable looking girl to the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen. I fell in love with Carrie. God, did this movie kill me. Her mother warned her- 'they're all going to laugh at you', and they did. They all laughed at her and she snapped. If she had just listened to her mother and stayed at home, nobody would have died. And oh man, do they die. The whole prom goes into chaos. You have to see this movie. Carrie can't believe this is happening- she's having such a good time, but that's not it. She's having a miraculous time. She's literally having the greatest night of her life, and then they all seem to betray her. They really are a good crowd, until something goes wrong that they laugh at, that is. After the blood comes down, all you can hear is the dripping from the can. It's all in slow motion. You see every individual shocked face slowly form into maniacal laughter, and then it happens. She snaps. I can't explain the following moments without completely doing an injustice to the movie. 'Carrie White burns in Hell'. She turns into something powerful, into something her mother said she'd turn into. Her mother was right, and Carrie knows it. See how scatterbrained I am over this movie? It's all an internal commentary on our belief systems, to sound as political as possible. Carries mother might be crazy, sure, (Piper Laurie is UNBELIEVABLY CRAZY IN THIS MOVIE), but she's right. She was right the whole time, at least in Carries mind, and this movie is filmed in such a way that it's a POV of high school from Carries perspective. Her home life, her life at school, her amazing night at prom, and the greediness that overcomes her once she is handed unlimited power. Everything, seriously, everything about this movie is terrifying, but not in the conventional sense. Not in the sense that makes it a horror movie; I can't assign a genre to Carrie. It's everything. God, the shot where she wins prom queen. All in slow motion, she's so happy, she's so infinitely happy, she's glowing. She can't believe this could ever happen to her, and she's not the kind of girl who would have expected it to be anything amazing, which is another reason why her character is so classical- almost mythical. She's very, very classically portrayed as a character we've never seen before. The guy who wrote it wrote IT (the miniseries), and IT was my favorite Stephen King movie, before I saw Carrie. Carrie is not only the best Stephen King movie out there, it is the scariest and most tragic movie I've ever seen, and I mean it. I can't believe I hadn't seen it before last night. It is seriously something to mull over. How things can change so quickly. Carries life withers away so fast, up until the scene where the house melts into the sinkhole.

I'm going to go watch it, right now, and you should do the same. I'll update this post soon enough, because this is not all I have to say about Carrie.

I humbly award Carrie four out of four squirts.

Points of Interest

i'm going to cinemeration!

POOR HOBBIT

Last week, there was some concern that the conflict between the studios behind The Hobbit and the actors unions who have been on strike against the picture would never end, and it seems Jackson has ended that concern. He's pulling the production out of New Zealand, which means two things- one, the long-standing relationship between Jackson and his home country will never be the same, because this movie would have given the country millions, and two, there is now a 15% chance these movies will not be good.

The main reason is, of course, money. There's $500 million invested in these pictures, and Jackson did the right thing by protecting this investment and getting the hell away from the god-damned MEAA. This is very frustrating to me. I'm the kind of guy who wants indecision with movies I care about to be hanged by the neck until dead.

In other news [shuffles paper], Bilbo Baggins has been cast- Martin Freeman. He's the guy that's in Hot Fuzz and Love, Actually [gush]. This is all good, like I care who plays Bilbo. Bill Nighy, in more interesting news, will play the voice of Smaug the dragon, which will be interesting. I always saw him as kind of a dragon.

BLACK SWAN IS GETTING CREEPIER AND CREEPIER

Black Swan is going to be flarking awesome. I can't remember the last time I wanted this badly to see a movie at midnight. I like the director a lot and Knightly and Kunis dance in little dance clothes and they're really cute and stuff.

Anyhow, check all of this bullhiggy out. Creepy, creepy stuff. Viral websites. Fun for everybody. Talk about a good trailer, though. I watch it all the time and am very pleased to be reminded that there are still some people out there who actually give a damn about good marketing. I've said this before about movies in the past- some movies don't need good marketing, but all movies should at least try, regardless. Black Swan succeeds.

DISNEY

Can suck it. They own literally everything, and now they control all the rights to The Avengers and Iron Man 3, two movies I feel a deep connection to [throws hat to the ground].

Disney bought Marvel for $4 billion last December, so they've owned all this for a long time, but still. They have to have everything. Disney is like the kid who says 'please sir, can I have some more?', except the kid is twenty feet tall made entierly of biceps.

MEL GIBSON

...is apparently not a desirable person to work with anymore. He was supposed to have a cameo in The Hangover 2, but that is not happening anymore. Tod Phillips went on record by saying that he did not have the full support of the cast and crew behind having Gibson on set, and now a new story is developing that alleges that Zach Galifinakis was basically the only guy who didn't want him there. This surprised me, because I figured Galifinakis to be the kind of guy who could not only deal with anything, but also the kind of guy whose voice would have no leverage in the matter. 'That's great, Zach, now stand over there and do something funny. Rolling.'

BOX OFFICE STUFF

This is technically old news, but I'm gonna lay it down anyway, because this is my blog and while it is my blog it is my castle. Two weekends back, Let Me In debuted at number seven. This is what you get for remaking a foreign arthouse movie (it's a remake of Let The Right One In, if ya'll was unawares) for American audiences and expecting a blockbuster. Nothing. I don't know how I feel about it, though. I don't like the director (the dude who directed cloverfield), and I don't like the idea of remaking a movie less than two years after the original release, especially a movie I like, but there it is. I really like the story of LTROI, so the remake will probably be good because it has some elements of the original. It was well reviewed, sure, but that means nothing to the box office. Jeez, grow up, America.

Ok- here's something that surprised me. Jackass 3 is currently the number one film at the American box office. It debuted at $50 million god-damned dollars. Where did this movie come from? I had no idea they were even planning a Jackass 3. There was a Jackas 2? I guess I'm not enough of a duechebag to be on he up and up with Jackass. Which brings to mind- how old are these people? That one midget they have, is he even still alive? How long do they live for? I'm being offensive and I'm sorry. I just don't get midgets, man, seriously. Isn't it something that gets worse over time? How does that work? Or maybe they live super long lives because they're so small. I'm not a doctor. people.

UH OH

Mhmm, I thought so. Paranormal Activity 2 is so far getting good reviews. I'm not surprised. This is the kind of genre that has been so unexplored that there's a lot of room for development. I'm seeing it on Sunday and am very excited about it. What's not to be excited about, seriously? The reviews concensus was that it's nothing that's going to change your perspective on the whole trippy security camera front, but it's still satisfying. I'm not expecting greatness, I'm expecting something to hold my interest for more than five minutes. Is that so much to ask? Nowadays, yeah. It is.

TRUE GRIT

What else did you expect?

There's really not much else. Nothing is really happening this week in movies. I, um...yeah. Buy a t-shirt. Long sleeve is currently in development.

At Last, something awesome.

Ok, I guess I'll use this post for something useful. Here's the latest from my pals over at MovieWeb- the latest from my pals over at MovieWeb. 

Yup- they want Mahky Mahk to be the fahkin' CROW. You know, Mahk, he's a wuhkah, he's one of the good guys, that sunna bitch. 

The Crow, if you people don't know, was some movie from the nineties that didn't do very well but did develop a huge cult following because the star of the film, Brandon Lee, died during filming. Brandon Lee was the son of Bruce Lee, that one chinaman who did karate or whatever 

.*seriously, though- see 'the way of the dragon'- it's a movie about Bruce Lees life (aka a biopic, silly me), and it's super badass. They play it on AMC sometimes. Like that helps you in any way.

Apparently, one of the prop guys accidently shot off a blank (hahahahaha) too close to Brandon and he died. This is a big deal because it cemented the Lee curse- Bruce Lee also died during filming, while he was making 'Enter The Dragon'.  

And naturally people went nuts when Brandon Lee died, saying he could have been one of the greats, when in actuality The Crow isn't that good. It spawned like a million useless sequels and I have no idea why they want to remake it. MovieWeb says that Wahlberg will most likely turn down the part, because they say it won't interest him enough. But I know the real reason- he don't wanna die. Well, that can't be it, because if he thought he might die, he'd definitly agree to do it. He's not afraid to die, why, you tryin' to DENY that? A hahd wuhkah like Wahlbuhg? Fahk off.

Now, on to business.

viggo actually paid me to be in this picture

Come on, doesn't this picture simply beg and plead- 'buy me, if ye be Cinemerators'?

Yes, it feels good, being on top of the world. I hope my body doesn't mind- it's going to be roomies with that shirt for a long time! I smell a sitcom.

Good Movies That Haven't Come Out Yet

Hey guys, here I am again, sitting in class, learnin' bout stuff, blogging the night away. My iPhone is so cool that it gives people x-ray vision and makes them healthier. Check your blood pressure, bitch, I speak the truth.

[reorganizes desk]

A movie is like a woman- you never know what to expect, and you can't trust them. It might lure you in with promises of happiness, integrity, and children, but in the end it's never what you hoped it would be.

Me: 'Well, I just met this movie, and it seems really nice, I just really hope it works out'

One of my many friends: 'Dude, just remember what happened last time you felt ready to give your heart to a movie. Remember the pain.'

Me: 'Alright, man, look- lay off. She's the one, ok? The one.'

Check it out fool.

This is the next David cronenberg movie- 'A Dangerous Method', and here is a list of reasons that it might be good.

1)Cronenberg makes good movies, and is getting better with age. You know him (or don't, whatever, be prepared to be briefed) the Goldmblum version of The Fly [cheeseburger]. He is considered one of the masters of 80's horror and has maintained his reputation, and his last movie, Eastern Promises, was super badass and wasn't even a horror movie.

2) The cast. Viggo. Need I say more? I will anyway. Viggo got an Oscar nod for Promises, and is a nauseatingly amazing actor. Michael Fassbender. Yes? Yes. He's Archie Hicox from Basterds and is also playing the young magneto in the next X-men movie. He's really cool and is slowly climbing the ranks of fame. Oh, and Keira knightly. I really like her. She's really pretty. [faints]

3) the idea sounds really cool. I took psychology in high school and did not exactly pass with flying colors, but I remember thinking that Freud and Jung were badasses, and there hasn't been a solid movie about the two of them yet. I'm just kidding about not passing with flying colors. I aced it.

Like I said, it still could go either way, but regardless, click the link above if you want to see some sweet pics. Those pictures are the reason I decided to blog about it. My thought process on seeing the pictures one by one:

1st pic) Ok, viggo is lookin good, as usual.

2nd pic) Is...is that Keira? Lounging on the couch? Is this happening, viggo AND Keira?

3rd pic) Now who's THIS guy? Is...is that Keira in blow-J position? Mayhap a love triangle?

I hope my heart doesn't get torn to shreds. I can't handle it again. I'm a tender man, a quiet man- one of reserve, and one of passion. I bid you well.

The Scream Awards is fluff-o-rama

Every year, I tune in to the scream awards, just because I like watching all the little ants in Hollywood make what is essentially a macaroni-art awards ceremony. 'Look what I did at school mom!' Well, this year is definitly one for the fridge, right next to my B- in earth science.

The actual ceremony happened yesterday, and it's airing on Tuesday, and I don't think I'm going to tune in after I read the results. Be warned, this is a spoiler- I'm going to name winners here, so if you're one of those guys who simply hangs on the edge of your seat during the scream awards, go fuck yourself.

I'll just dive right in.

They gave best villain to Mickey Rourke. He was up against DIETER LASER (Human Centipede). Seriously? A guy with electric whips is more horrifying than a guy who stitches your face to someones ass? Don't get me wrong, Iron Man 2 is a pretty solid movie (pun intended), but Laser is a much better villain. I just assumed that went without saying.

Ok- here's some more bullpoop. The nominees for best horror film were Thirst, Paranormal Activity, Nightmare on Elm Street, Zombieland, and the Crazies. When I saw the nominees I was pretty surprised to see that Zombieland was even in the horror category because the movie is a comedy, but I was astonished to see that it won. I'm baffled. Why? I love Zombieland, but why not give that award to a movie that is genre defining and original, like Paranormal Activity? What a pisser.

They gave best fantasy actress to Kristin Stewart. She was up against 2 oscar nominees and the girl from Alice in Wonderland and I was so shocked when I read she won that I cut myself. Kristin Stewart is a blob. She is a blob with no brain. People call her a one-track actress, but that implies that she has at least one emotion, and that is incorrect. She has no emotion. I am honestly baffled that Stewart hasn't collapsed into a black hole yet because she is that devoid of humanity. When she gets in front of a camera you'll notice an awful lot of light around her, and that's because she's so awful that not even light can escape her abyssal plain.

I used to watch True Blood but I can't really get into it anymore. I like it, sure, but this award ceremony made me feel a little pissy towards it. Not like these awards matter in the least bit- it's the principal of the thing. Case in point- my ultimate grudge- Anna Paquin won an award over Charlotte Gainsbourg. Ok- True Blood is alright, but it's a tv show. I'm confused, what is subject for entry for the scream awards? Can I upload a video of my blowing my brains out and get something posthumously? That's honestly how I feel after reading that somebody won an award over Charlotte Gainsbourg. If you don't know how I feel about her, read my review of Antichrist. I can't get into it because I'll veer way off topic. It's a travesty. That woman deserves the Nobel peace prize.

Like I said, these awards mean nothing, it just gets my goat that those a-holes over at Spike exploit everything that makes an award ceremony respectable. I don't have the link, but the opening video for the awards is a shot-for-shot remake of the Back to the Future trailer, which is ok I guess because BttF turned 25 this year, but it had the modern day Michael J Fox in it, and it was just saddening to see him be used like that, shaking all over the place, I don't know. It just didn't feel right. It was like watching a childrens beauty pageant.

Yeah. So don't watch the scream awards. Or do. I don't care. I'm not your mother.

[kisses]

Heh...dummy.

Quick, before it's taken down- Scream 4 Trailer

Click it.

This is the leaked trailer for Scream 4, and I want you to know two things- one: the FBI will be at my door any minute to arrest me for posting pirated copyright and two: the T-shirt came today. Picture soon to follow.

Quick review of the trailer- all in all, exactly what I hoped it wouldn't be- lame. It's a fairly lame trailer, but that is also for you to decide. It'll most likely be a decent movie, but the likelihood that it'll blow is also fairly decent. The trailer is supposed to be a teaser, and in that regard it is a bad teaser. It shows you far too much. Trailers are like women hitchhiking. Show a little skin, and the truck driver will pick you up, but show too much, and the driver will see that you're a tranny and pass you right up. It's a delicate, forgotten art, trailers. Good teasers are very hard to come by, and they almost always precede a movie that fairs well at the BO, and I'd like to think that at least half of that money came from dedicated movie-goers like yourself, who take the time to appreciate good marketing. Not to say Scream 4 doesn't have a good marketing plan, because it does. This movie doesn't even need a trailer- it'll break the piggy bank no matter what. And don't get me wrong, I respect that. I respect Wes Craven- I think he's a visionary who not only exemplifies the genre he is famous for, but takes the time to exploit it; a director who can represent a genre and at the same time put a rubber nose on it is a force to be reckoned with. Craven knows what he's doing- he always has, and I expect Scream 4 to live up to the hype.

Zach Snyder is literally everywhere

300 is a rock solid six-pack of a movie, bitch, and I'm proud to say I enjoyed plus or minus 40% of it. The rest was over stylized fluffy garbage (I hate to be rough, but it'll never learn if I'm not). Dawn of the Dead ('07), however, is incredible. The opening scene? Sure. I'll take it. It may be one of the best horror remakes, or stand alone horror films, even, I've ever seen. Granted, a movie like that can only go so far before it hits a roadblock, but DotD plowed through every obstacle in it's way, chainsaws blazing. Watchmen? Yeah. Sure, it's good. I was really excited for the release and got exactly what I expected, nothing more. Perfectly decent. Again, though- I'm about 80% watchmen. The other 20% is over stylized snuff [bad boy!].

Ok, so with these short reviews combined, what does that lead the average movie goer to expect out of a new film from the director of these movies, Zach Snyder? A goodly portion of stylized fluff, I assume.

I didn't see that owl movie Snyder directed nor do I plan to, but that looked 100% snuffy fluff. Seriously- owls? Don't get me wrong, owls are pretty badass. They have serrated wings that allow then to fly without a sound before swooping in on a kill. Badass. Jim Sturgess voicing an owl trying to find old owls to save the owl-kingdom? Fliffy fluff.

Snyder is helming the reboot of the superman franchise, and he has a lot of shadow to walk in. The Richard Donner Superman is easily one of the coolest movies ever, and Snyder wants to do basically what Donner did- eat his family to survive the cruel winter make an original Superman. The Bryan Singer superman was pretty good but it didn't try to reinvent anything, and the superman franchise is begging for reinvention- I'll say again, Quest for Peace. [pogo stick] [cracks gum] [widdles wood]

Details just surfaced for the reboot and Snyder is going back to the roots of Superman, right around the time he became the mild mannered business man Clark Kent. Here's the thing, though- the word on the street is that Snyder might cast Tom Welling and that Durant chick as Clark and Lois (respectively). This is malleable, because if you don't recognize those names, let me take you to school- they're the Clark and Lois from Smallville, the tv show. So Snyder might get a lot of heat because it looks like he very well make what will essentially be the Smallville movie, and that is not cool, at least in my book. If you're going to reinvent the way Superman appears on screen, fine- do it. Please do it. But don't make a smallville movie. I didn't watch smallville but I know for sure that it would be a bad idea.

It's kind of a catch-22, though (I actually have no idea what a catch-22 is so bear with me). It's like being married to the director. You may not get cast simply because it's gouche (no idea what that word means)and unprofessional. Welling might be a super-duper Superman, but if he got cast, it would be the Smallville movie, and that is not a situation that could be avoided with marketing. What are you gonna do, change Clark Kents name, so it doesn't look like 'Smallville: the Movie'?

And then there's the fluff.

I don't know what's going to happen. I'm not worried about it, because I'm not a die-hard Superman fan, and because I could kind of care less what Snyder does. He'll make a movie that will marginally interest me, so I'll see it, why not. I'll tell you why not. In next episode. [lololol]