Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Cinemeration is as Cinemeration Does

These 'movies', as it is sometimes called, are listed here. To be sure, a thing that is held close to the warm and pulsating bosom of Cinemeration is something to be treasured, not unlike a child, but very unlike a dog, or a 'canis familiaris', for you Latin lovers.
Frankly, this year has held some exuberant and surreptitious (or, if you're fond of candied sweets, 'syrup-ticious') films that were veiled by the dread hood of 'the independent vein'. No moving picture-goer should have to familiarize himself with the realm of the hipster! 
Not. At. All.
This is the time of year that calls for reflection and paying respect towards what made these 12 months so special. So buckle your seatbelt, you son of a bitch, because we're about to do some hard-core reflecting, asshole.
Quite so!
Trust me on this one- I'm not a fan of inter-racial relationships the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. I don't think that ceremony does anything else other than act as Sean Penn's Livejournal.
That being said, it's a game. The Oscars mean one thing- money. Obviously, but hey, people want Oscars. They give your movie a lot of attention. It's the attention game. There's a big group of children (hopeful oscar contenders) in front a big auditorium. Whoever raises his hand the highest and makes himself stick out the most will get picked to go up on stage. When they're on stage, they're given a pat on the back, or some candy, or something (a nomination). And the other kids pretend to be happy and applaud their classmates but all they're really doing is plotting how to get noticed more effectively next time. 
This doesn't necessarily apply to what I wanted to say about Black Swan. 
I didn't do a full on review of Black Swan because I don't really know what to say about it. It's really good, with excellent camera work and spot on direction. However, it's being tossed into the chaos that is the movies that came out this year, and I don't think it will get the attention it deserves. 
Ok, here it comes.
FACK YOU Black Swan. Stupid fucking limited release. I'm referencing both the theatrical run of the movie and how long I had to wait to finally masturbate to it. Here's the thing about Black Swan, and I guess about Natalie Portman in general. I'm in love with it. No, seriously. Black Swan really does it for me. I'm in love with Natalie Portman in a creepy way, and there's nothing she or I (or you, for that matter) can do about it. I want to be a stuffed animal in her room (no, I don't want to be a teddy bear just so I can get hugs) just so I can watch her. I'm thinking about how to effectively stalk her in a way that slightly resembles romantic comedy but at the same time screams romantic comedy. You know, not like dark alley nervous look start walking faster fog, you know, more like open air mall hiding behind sunglass rack picking out flowers accidently tripping over dachshund bright sunny day happily ever after type deal. 
Why, might you ask? 'Why?' I ask myself. She's too damn precious. And here's the kicker! She got knocked up by her choreographer! Whatever happened to not shitting where you ballet-dance, Natalie Portman? Come on, NP, he's probably a slimy frenchman who wants nothing more than to bring you down. Sure, get engaged, go ahead. I'll be there. And I won't let you be given away.
It's a very pretty and delicate movie, pretty much consistently. It's really well put together. Very neat use of camera contraptions and editing machines. Sure, she goes through some kind of spastic freako tranmorgification, but she's always going to be a sweet girl...shit. And now she's doing some kind of comedy thing with Ashton that looks terrible. It's bad enough he's in Nikon commercials and tweets more than the caged bird. 

Inception is a really cool movie and will be embraced as such. Christopher Nolan does a great job, but in terms of competing, what counts more- improving upon contemporary style, or utilizing more modern techniques? What does something like the Academy (a shithouse) hold more dearly? Who cares? 
Anybody see The Town? Pretty fackin hahd movie. The Town would put all other competition in its REAHVIEW had it come out in some different year. Ben Affleck is a repulsive monster but when he directs a movie, he directs a movie. He just picked the wrong year to direct the movie. "Fuck you,' he might say in response.
True Grit was balls, and Jeff Bridges was the Dude in chaps. Not a lot of chicks in that movie.
What else?
I already talked about how awesome The Fighter was, and check this out- it doesn't really matter to a patron like you, assuming you haven't seen the movie, but Mark Wahlberg got a golden globe nomination. I have no idea why. Just wanted to put it out there. Does he have a dog?
I plan on seeing Kings Speech sometime soon. It looks awesome and is supposed to be feeeeee-nomenal. BRRRRAAAAHHHMMMM

This year has been awesome. Fiftieth time I've said that. I've still got places to go, movies to see, Cinemerations to Cinemerate, so I bid you adieu. 

Take a look at this shit-

Here is some more pictures.

No comments:

Post a Comment