Sunday, April 10, 2011

Melancholia is gonna school all a 'ya

Come, my worthy sheep, for the next exciting edition of ye olde Cinemeration.
[shoves sheep into oven] [rolls seeves up] [flips through Rolling Stone] [eats onion]
Now, as you all well know, I have a very special place in my penis heart for directors like Lars von Trier. I mean, the guy is totally insane, but that not exactly why I like him. It's mainly because he uses his insanity to his advantage.
Now, what do I mean by that? Well get ready, because I'm about to answer that question.
A little background on von Trier. Lars von Trier is an autuer, but enough of that gay crap. Back in '95 he became part of a filmmaking movement called Dogme 95.Dogme 95 layed down some rules for making movies. These were - rules to create filmmaking based on the traditional values of story, acting and theme, and excluding the use of elaborate special effects or technology. Essentially, it's a group of Danes, Swedes, and Frenchies that sit around a coffee table smoking French cigarettes discussing the various ways in which they could portray cutting off a chickens head in sepia tone while getting blown by whichever hipster chick with a Super 8 who thinks she can capture a life moment on film happens to be on call at the moment. Unfortunatly, the film community at large hasn't taken too kindly to Dogme 95, most likely due to the fact that what Dogme 95 calls artistic expression of hidden and malignant desire to discover the pain and majesty of death and suffering, everyone else in the world calls hardcore porn. Von Trier's an interesting guy, though. He suffers from a variety of phobias and have periodic depression, and apparently the only thing that doesn't make him want to throw a chair out the window and quickly follow it is makin' movies.
Another quick recap- von Trier directed Antichrist, which is one of my all time favorite movies, and I hate to say it, but I'm not kidding. I think it's a pretty sweet movie, and that brings me right the way back to why I like guys like von Trier- the dude goes completely suicidal and then makes a movie. Look at Apocalypse Now- directed by a guy who tried to off himself various times on set. I think there's something to be said about movies made by these kinds of people. And I think that something is Cinemeration. [fireworks] [fireworks land on Chinese pagoda] [fireworks]
Anyhow- big news. I was in Germany for five days doing none of your goddam business and I just got back today, and the first story I read swiftly lead me to blogger. I had no idea- von Trier directed a very Antichrist-y (I love when I get to use that adjective) movie that's coming to the states around the end of May called Melancholia, starring- wait for it...


That's right folks.
The story is basically ver muh like the central theme in Antichrist- Willem Defoe's penis depression. Kirsten Dunst has a fairytale wedding (OMG and Charlotte Gainsbourg is her sister pleeeeease lesbian scene) and then becomes all depressed in slow motion. Oh, and by the by, there's a planet on a crash course to Earth. Wait a minute- [flings cigar over shoulder] [spins bowtie] a PLANET, you say?! Consarnit, doesn't that just beat all. God, watch the trailer. Yes, you, GOD, watch the trailer. Might learn a few hings from this von Trier guy. Cinemeration forever.
[shaves cat]

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