Thursday, April 21, 2011

Abduction trailer is mind-blowingly hilarious

My, I did indeed fan myself profusely after watching the release trailer for Abduction. First off, I must say that as a Pittsburgher from way back I need to impress the importance of Hollywood filming their new fangled teen-dream pictures in Pittsburgh. It's a pretty big dealthat Pittsburgh is getting all the attention, and it should get even more interesting after Dark Knight Rises completes principle photography in a thousand years. Pittsburgh is the originator of 'a good town'- it has everything. Buildings, people, three (count em', THREE!) rivers, a bustling business scene, and a strip club that Nick Nolte wole-heartedly reccomends. Yeah, it's a great place to hang your hat. As I briefly mentioned before, a by-product of Hollywood coming to Pittsburgh is the inevitable preliminary stage of shitty movies being made. Case in point- Abduction. I actually had the esteemed privelage to infiltrate visit the set and see if I could steal some of Taylor Lautner's blood sneak a peak on some of dat action, and got kicked out for carrying a camera. Also for infiltrating.
It's a pretty funny story as a matter of fact- it was being filmed in my best friends neighborhood, my old stomping ground called Virginia Manor, and after being totally thrown into a state of dissalusionment after being swept away into the great abyss of literally hundreds of tween-age girls, we decided to take the back way to his house, which turned out to be a big mistake because we were chased and eventually run down by three sec gurds and six (count em', SIX!) cops, so I never got my hands on any of the hearthrobs blood, but you know me, get right back on that horse.
Can you blame me? I hate Taylor Lautner with every fiber of my genius level brain and every cell of my son of the Gods sculpted forme, but I'm not about to miss out on some Sig Weave and Al Molina action. Needless to say I didn't see anybody except the tail end of a train of young ladies, but I'd do it again. And again. And again. And again.
Bottom line, folks- the trailer is absolutely not to be missed. It includes some treasures from action movie past, with such standards as...
'I've got something you need to see.'
'We've got 36 hours to find this kid.'
'Suddenly everyone around me is dying.'
'What's my real name!'
'Who are these people?!'
'They can't be trusted' (those two came right after each other)
'Not if I find you first...'
'You have something that belongs to me.'
And the ever classic-
'Trust me.'
Apart from being the worst actor who has ever been on screen, Taylor Lautner...Um...uh...oh, I learned how to take a screenshot so enjoy the following!

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